Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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