just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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