I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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