i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
