she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
