I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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