a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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