just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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