vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
