I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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