You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
