I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
