I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
