I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
