Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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