Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize