I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
