Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
