yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
