the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alive.
So much puke
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
