It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
