Quick, to the slutcave!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The Olympian is in my bed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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