When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
