i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ttyl tear gas
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
