Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
