Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
