Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
