His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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