ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
