Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
