the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
