my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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