i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
