I hope mine doesn't look like that
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize