Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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