You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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