I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
