we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
