she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
