elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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