i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
