too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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