This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
