I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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