At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
