Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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