i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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