Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
