God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
