I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
