There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
