I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
