pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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