eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
