the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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