I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
