Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
