Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
