i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
