Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
