I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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