Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
