his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
