You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
