i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
